This post may contain affiliate links
I’ve done a lot of self-coaching as well as been coached by others for the last few years thanks to which my life has really improved.
When I say my life has improved, I mean that when you look at how I used to do things 2-3 years ago compared to how I currently do them now, there’s a massive difference.
I used to think that the only way to solve a problem is through black and white thinking– meaning that things can either be yes or no and that’s it.
This is what I call black and white thinking, which can keep you stuck.
Because you’re missing out on allowing your brain to stretch even further into thinking, there could be other possibilities this situation can be viewed as, or there can be different ways to solve problems.
Could there be different ways that I could view this problem apart from the way I’m thinking right now?
That’s exactly what coaching can help you with. It helps stretch your brain to think of other possibilities that one would normally miss.
Almost 98% of the time, there’s more than one way to solve a problem, but people find themselves having one-track minds.
The more you learn how to use and access the brain maximally, the more you become a quick problem solver.
And that’s what I’ve become now, thanks to coaching, a fast problem solver.
This newly acquired trait is great for my marriage, but there was one thing I recently discovered which is that my spouse and I think in completely different ways now.
You see, although I’ve personally coached many people on how to solve most of the problems humans have, my partner hasn’t had any experience with coaching at all.
So now, how I view things isn’t the same way he views things, and in some cases, this can go the wrong way and create unnecessary arguments.
For example, sometimes he’ll be anxious about something, but I’ll remain neutral.
This makes him wonder why I’m being less anxious.
Is it because I don’t care about the issue?
Or is it because he cares more than I do?
At times I would react and feel offended by him saying that.
And then we’d start having this silly argument about him thinking that I don’t care about the situation we are having and me thinking that he’s judging me and being unfair.
Only recently I realized that he’s actually right….
Here is how…. you see, I’ve been working on myself after getting coached, and one of the main things I’ve been taught is how to manage my emotions, like what to do when I’m angry, anxious, sad, etc.
And I’ve been applying everything I learned from my coaches.
Even when I don’t believe in it, I still test it to see how it feels.
The more I practised how to manage my emotions; the more my brain learned how to deal with difficult situations even on auto mode.
So when we have an anxious moment, which is normal for couples, my brain will apply the things I’ve learnt, and within minutes I’d be calm, and no one would understand why.….
I explain to my partner that the reason why I’m calm while he’s anxious is not because I don’t care about the situation but because I view this situation with deeper thinking, not black and white thinking.
In my head, I think “yeah, maybe this thing will go wrong, there’s a possibility that could happen” and then if it does go wrong, I’ll ask myself “did I do everything I could to do on my part to create the results or outcome that I wanted?”
And if I did do everything on my part and it still goes wrong, what meaning do I give to this about me as a person?
Sometimes when we fail, we tend to think it’s because we’re weak or something similar. Alternatively, what if actually everything goes well and nothing goes wrong?
We feel anxious because we are worried about what’ll happen if something goes wrong or fails to happen.
We feel like it might help to worry and overthink such things, but also mostly it never does…
When you learn how to start viewing things deeper than you have been taught in school or through life experience, you’ll see your life become much better.
After explaining to my husband how I’m viewing the situation we had, he agreed with me that viewing it this way was so much better.
He loved it, and suddenly, he was calm too… I never told him what to do; I told him what I thought, and he could choose to apply or not, and that made sense to him.
For me, this proved that one person is enough to start making changes in marriage.
You can see how this helped prevent future arguments .. he used to think I didn’t care when I actually did.
I’ve put in a lot of mental effort to solve this problem, and maybe I can help him apply the same things I learned in other areas of his life (along with our marriage).
⚡️PS: Are you ready to stop wondering whether you married the wrong guy?
Invite you to Join Revive Your Marriage Coaching.