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Are you seeing a relationship or marriage therapist? (this might make you feel uncomfortable)
I’m not against relationship/marriage therapists, but if you’ve been seeing one for a period of more than 3 months and you feel like your marriage hasn’t changed like you hoped it would.
Then it’s probably because of one or two things:
- You’re not doing the work (it’s not your fault) or
- They only advise you on the action line. (behaviours that you need to change or implement).
An example is that the therapist told you “do this”,
“here is what you need to do”,
“here is what to do next time, bla bla
In coaching, we call this “coaching on the action line”.
And thus, there is a delay in your progress.
That’s why you’re still looking for help even while you still have a therapist.
Wondering why it never works? (or rarely works).
It’s because they help you solve the symptom of a problem instead of treating the root cause.
When you tell a person what to do or ask them to change their actions, you don’t help them change the thoughts and feelings behind those actions.
There’s resistance, which makes it difficult, if not impossible, to see real change.
Before you take action, you have to feel a certain way,
for you to feel a certain way, you have to think a certain way.
Show any human their thoughts, feelings, and the connection between the two, and you’ll see that they’ll start taking different actions by themselves.
Get real results and stop spending hours with marriage/relationship therapists, who mostly only give advice on what behaviours you need to change.
Have you been working with a relationship/marriage therapist, and noticed that nothing has improved?
I bet if you try my coaching programme and see how you feel after just one month, you’ll probably end up firing your therapist.
And no, I’m not blowing my own horns; I just don’t want you taking forever to solve your problems while running around in circles. I love you, and I want to help you figure this out.