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Whenever kids make a mess, the first thing that our brains think is why they’re making the mess, don’t they see I’ve just tidied up.
You have these thoughts, right? well, you need to notice them and be aware of them.
These thoughts imply that the kids make a mess because they want you to feel bad.
They imply that they did it on purpose, and they did it so you can feel bad.
And that’s why when the kids make a mess like pouring milk on the carpet or bringing sand back to the lounge, you immediately get upset and yell/shout at them.
Because you have these thoughts that tell you that they’re doing it on purpose.
Your thoughts convince you that the kids know what they’re doing.
So now these thoughts justify your anger towards the kids, and if someone walks in and asks why you’re angry /upset, you would say it’s because the kids made a mess on the carpet (or whatever else they’d have done).
Now the truth bomb.
The reason why you got upset when the kids made a mess and probably raised your voice was not because they made a mess.
Nope. You got upset because of the thoughts you had about the mess they made…
You had thoughts telling you that they’re doing it on purpose,
and that they shouldn’t be doing this here.
But I want you to shift that mindset and experiment with this instead….when your kids make a mess, first of all, they’re doing what kids do at that age.
What I want, is that when you see that mess, the first thing you think about is, wow they are experimenting,
and had an accident on the carpet.
This is how kids grow, by experimenting with things, and this is how they learn how their brains evolve.
When you think this way, you’ll have different results, and instead of shouting at your child or getting angry, you’ll be calm and neutral.
Of course, your carpet or whatever is ruined.
But the fact is, the children didn’t do that to hurt you. They’re too young to understand what “hurt” even means.
So instead, what you should be thinking is that their brains are developing, and my duty is to help them grow.
Personally, when I see my kids make a mess,
I bend down to my kids level and say “hi Matt / Ale; gosh, look, oops, seems like you had an accident, let’s clean it up and see if you can play somewhere else etc.…
I’m not making my son feel like what he did was wrong, I’m just letting him know that there’s a better (more appropriate) place for him to play.
Shifting this mindset will enable you to be a parent that brings up happy, confident kids And be an “okay mom” with less perfectionism.
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